The Ex.
The Ex... whom for whatever reason I said I'd keep locked up in a private little corner of my mind and never disclose to you, my readers... For many of you know him... many of you are friends... For those of you who don't know what Im referring to, we move in the same circles... share the same social network, and even remained loyal "Facebook Friends" despite not actually sharing a civil conversation with one another even several years after going our separate ways...
...Well, guess what? Times change... and there's been a helluva lot of water under the bridge... He's since "defriended" me, and gone to the even more bizarre length of "hiding" his facebook profile from me all together... Friends "in common" dispersed... and I've since been convinced that his chapter is definitely worth sharing...
So sit down and grab a drink - Because "Chapter 8 - The Ex" is that chapter I know a lot of you have been itching to read...
- - -
Before he was The Ex, he was The Partner. We didn't like the term boyfriend because we "were more than that"... But even before that, before he was The Partner, he was an older guy who I very much looked up to who performed in many of the same theatre shows I did... He was the handsome prince... the leading love... the rebel leader... and I was smitten.
We were both working in a particular show together, the show itself escapes me because there have been so many now - But through the rehearsal period I watched him go through two breakups with two separate guys (one, believe it of not, was The Drunk from Chapter 1... amazing the webs we weave...) and somehow, one night, we wound up back at his place watching The Exorcist on dvd... on his computer... in his study... on his spare bed...
I remember being so utterly transfixed with how close we were... I don't think I paid attention at all to the girl masturbating with a bloody crucifix on his PC, but rather I was completely aware of the fact that his left leg was touching my right. And that was it... just legs touching... But I drove home that night thinking about the heat from his leg and how incredible it felt.
Driving home. And SMS came through.
"Tonight was fun" he wrote
"Yeah, I had a great time..." I responded quickly, waiting for the traffic light to turn green on Unley Road. "...we should to it again sometime"
Send.
His reply came through immediately "I like you Josh..."
My heart jumped into my throat. Like? Like as in like or Like as in Like Like?
Before I could respond, another sms came through from him: "I think we'd make a great couple..."
Well, I can't even remember what happened next - I could have driven through several red lights, I couldn't even tell you... But somewhere there we agreed to meet early before our next rehearsal... and we could "talk" then.
- - -
It was cold. Winter had well and truly set in, and here I was, waiting in the school yard of our rehearsal venue for him to arrive. When he did, we stood facing one another in silence. I was shivering it was so cold; Our breath forming clouds of frost in each others faces...
"Hi..."
"...Hi"
He took my hand and sat me down. From there, the conversation went slowly and carefully... he explained that I wasn't a rebound... that he'd always liked me... that he was hurting from his past breakups... that he didn't want to hurt me... that we had to go slow...
We kissed.
- - -
Flash forward two years and we were living together...
- - -
Flash forward another year, and despite living together, I still hadn't had a full conversation with his parents... The Partners parents, you see, didn't believe in his sexuality. Didn't approve... and thusly, continued to want to have absolutely nothing to do with me. I wasn't mentioned in conversations, I wasn't invited to family parties, bbqs, dinners or celebrations... I wasn't allowed to answer his phone if they called...
To his parents, he was single, and I didn't exist.
This alone, caused me heartache... Especially when my family had embraced The Partner with love and support - He was practically a son to my parents. Always welcomed. Always allowed.
- - -
Flash forward again, and we're now rehearsing for my third production of Les Miserables - We're both pivotal roles, and subsequently playing "best friends" on stage... Which, as it turned out, proved to be an incredibly difficult feat for me... given the circumstances which unfolded...
...mainly because of a certain guy in the male ensemble.
A guy from The Partners past.
A guy who, inevitably, became "The Other Man".
Throughout rehearsals, you see, The Partner grew distant...
And then the sms's started.
Now, The Partner couldn't keep a secret from me at the best of times - Hell, he couldn't even buy a christmas or birthday present without me working out what it was within the hour of him purchasing it - So Im not quite sure how he thought he was getting away with it... but I knew.
Especially when the sms's from The Other Man became increasingly obvious... 4 or 5 in a row... a chuckle from The Partner as he responded to the 6th... a subtle change of the phone to "silent" to try and cover the 7th, 8th and 9th coming through...
Looking back on it all now, it's hard to believe how stupid I was to even put up with that behaviour... let alone what came next.
- - -
Our apartment was up for renovations - Cleared out of all our belongings... empty save for the pizza boxes scattered across the carpet, and all of us lying around chatting about the opening night of the show coming up. The Partner and I had decided to throw a "renovation party" and that night the plan was to sleep back at my mum and dads in the spare room...
As the night wound to a close, The Partner made a rather odd announcement...
"I'll stay here tonight..."
I raised an eyebrow. "Why?..." I asked "...Mum and Dad are expecting us."
"Im afraid someone will break in..."
I looked around our very empty lounge room. "There's nothing to steal..."
"Yeah, but... I'd just be more comfortable..."
I paused... Something was up.
Tricky tricky.
I countered his idea - "But dude... there's nothing to sleep on. Our bed is in storage..."
He struggled for a moment. "My swag is in the car..." he replied. I sighed tiredly.
His swag was in the car? Huh? So let me get this straight... this sudden idea to stay in our vacant apartment overnight wasn't a sudden idea at all, but rather a preconceived plan it would seem...
I paused for a moment before continuing - "It'd be rather lonely here in an empty apartment by yourself..."
Suddenly, I was aware that others were listening to our conversation.
"You're staying here?" The Other Man piped up...
"Yes..." came the partners reply with a casual shrug... His acting skills, it appeared, were apparently stronger off stage than they were on stage...
"Cool! Sleep over! I'll stay too..." The Other Man sang. "Sounds like fun"
The pieces started falling together in front of me.
I smiled. I shrugged. "Well, I'll stay too... may as well..."
The Partners smile faded "But... your parents... they're expecting you..."
I paused again, then continued; "They're expecting us...."
The final piece finally fell into place...
Our friends went their separate ways that night, and I pulled away from the curb alone while I watched The Partner and The Other Man pull his swag out of his boot together.
I didn't sleep a wink that night.
- - -
Two nights later - The Partner and I were sitting in my parents driveway. The air was thick with a nauseating tension. We were about to have "The Conversation"
"Josh... we need to talk"
We talked. I cried.
"Why...?" I asked.
His reasons came thick and fast... I felt like I was being punched in the face.
"We're just going in separate directions..." he sighed, patting his hand on my knee... I was amazed, that after years of being together, years of sharing secrets together, sharing the same bed, and loving one another fiercely that suddenly I was practically being treated so patronisingly.
"Separate directions...?" I questioned.
"Well, you don't earn enough money for one thing... you hardly contribute financially to this relationship..." he replied flatly.
His comment stung... Contribute financially? I was studying full time and holding down a part time job... The Partner, meanwhile, worked when he could in a charity office, and performed shows in primary schools in an attempt to hold onto his waning television career...
I sat in shocked silence.
He continued: "And I want to move to Melbourne, and you're holding me back from that..."
My breath caught in my throat... Holding him back? Melbourne? This was the first I'd ever heard of Melbourne...
I continued to sit in silence.
He continued: "And... quite frankly... you just don't support me and what I want to achieve in life... You don't believe in me and what I can do"
I was sinking... I felt like gravity was pulling me back into the car seat and down into the concrete below... The conversation became muddy and hazy.
"But..." I fumbled through tears, "...where will you go tonight? Where will you sleep?"
The Partner paused again, then sighed. "I've organised to sleep at Derek and Jens..."
The conversation continued.
Somehow I wound up in bed.
Somehow I slept.
- - -
The next day. The "day after"...
I lay in bed and sent a few sms's around to friends telling of what happened... I slunk into my brothers room to wake him up, sat on his bed and cried while I recounted the story from the night before. Jake sat in silence and listened attentively. At the end, he hugged me.
That was honestly the first time I felt a real brotherly connection with him.
- - -
The day after the day after... The gaping hole in my chest tore into an open wound as I arrived at Les Miserables to discover that The Partner hadn't stayed at Derek and Jens at all, but rather at The Other Mans the night we went our separate wayS; They arrived smiling together at the theatre and got ready for the nights performance as if nothing had ever transpired...
- - -
Tongues got whispering. People got talking... Josh and his partner - the golden couple - had broken up! Had you heard? They dont even talk to one another back stage now! It must be difficult... Imagine that! Playing best friends on stage, after all that! Have you heard? I hear he's seeing The Other Man! Did you notice? They arrived at the theatre together again...
And so it went... Days turned into weeks... weeks into months... Shared friends chose their sides... factions were practically formed... and inevitably we went our separate ways...
The Partner became The Ex.
But, from what I hear, The Ex and The Other Man are still happy... Have an array of pets together, and continue to pursue theatre - I've seen his shows, though sadly can't say he's seen mine. Perhaps he's just not into the shows I pick...
And now, years later - I look back fondly... Going from a guy who "doesn't earn enough to support someone financially" to owning my own home... Going from study and part time job to wonderful career and income... Im not too sure what The Partner is doing with himself these days, but last time I bumped into him a few months back he was still performing for primary school students... all these years later.
And he still hasn't moved to Melbourne.
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